So Long....

Rest In Peace Marcus Leddy...or Van Mark Gilreath....Thank you for your love, friendship and for sharing your adventures with a girl that wanted to run away with the circus.  Moki and I will miss you always.



Lyrics | Simon And Garfunkel lyrics - So Long, Frank Lloyd Wright lyrics

Laughing at my kid...no...wait...it's a good thing!

Dramatic Lemur - Actually a Tarsier!

Don't Hope Friend....Decide

This is how to live within and be rewarded by a great relationship. Especially a marriage. For anyone that think marriage is just a legal agreement so why bother?...will never know the rewards until they experience it for themselves.

It's not just the good of the relationship that impacts every aspect of your life, it's the no fun shit of the relationship that determines your daily outlook and how you interact with everyone else in your world. Why make that one of discontentment and disappointment? Instead choose your future. This is worth the read.

Don't Hope Friend....Decide

NEVER SAY NO TO PANDA !

Mabon

Happy Mabon - the pagan holiday for this Equinox

Mabon, (pronounced MAY-bun, MAY-bone, MAH-boon, or MAH-bawn) is the Autumn Equinox.

The Autumn Equinox divides the day and night equally, and we all take a moment to pay our respects to the impending dark. We also give thanks to the waning sunlight, as we store our harvest of this year's crops.

The Druids call this celebration, Mea'n Fo'mhair, and honor the The Green Man, the God of the Forest, by offering libations to trees. Offerings of ciders, wines, herbs and fertilizer are appropriate at this time.

Wiccans celebrate the aging Goddess as she passes from Mother to Crone, and her consort the God as he prepares for death and re-birth.

It is a time to finish old business as we ready for a period of rest, relaxation, and reflection.

Mabon is considered a time of the Mysteries. It is a time to honor Aging Deities and the Spirit World. Considered a time of balance, it is when we stop and relax and enjoy the fruits of our personal harvests, whether they be from toiling in our gardens, working at our jobs, raising our families, or just coping with the hussle-bussle of everyday life.

My Tarot card for the day was the Tower which in a reading many time signifies the end or the crumbling of something. But as a solo card, it represents the survivor in us. The left overs that fought the fight and are still standing. Enriched, scarred and grateful to be at the end of the road. It's also signifies a turning point where profound change brings new opportunity.

So....I wish for everyone a bountiful and rich Mabon and welcome you to a new season brimming with possibility, prosperity, acceptance and peace.

Melodrama Slideshow

Click here to view these pictures larger

Melodrama Pix

Melodrama Fun....

More pix here

http://cornfieldofdreams.shutterfly.com/pictures/8

Rollercoaster of Love

shit....it's exhausting to be in love sometimes.  I can't seem to keep up with my heart and my head.  I know there's supposed to be a rhythm between them but mine is out to lunch.

I keep fluctuating between deep betrayal from the past and the promise of the future.   At one time those two concepts had nothing in common.  Now however they do and all the good feelings that came with the future have turned to expectations of betrayal just waiting around the corner.  

How do I purge it???? How do I forget and not in that I must be whole again so I must forgive and willingly let it all go.  I mean how do I not remember it anymore?  How do I not feel it over and over again?  And most importantly how do I stop looking for ways that it's happening, convinced that it will again and again.

Why can't I seem to achieve peace of mind with it and stop wanting to hurt others as I continue to feel hurt?  

It's not that it happened...that I can live with.  What shreds me emotionally is not understanding it.  Yet when I'm given an explanation it's just not good enough because I compare actions against me to what I think I would have done in the situation(s).  I know I would have never....ever....never ended up in those situations, so no answer can satisfy me.  Most hated words right now?    "I don't know."

How does a person not know why they do something?  Especially something that will impact everything they swear to hold sacred in their lives?  How?

And there it is...the real question that is holding my heart and mind captive.  


No one seems to be able to help me through it either.  Especially the one I think that should have the answers.   I'm told it's not an unwillingness to answer my questions..it's just that it's an unknown reason.  


Fact is, someone didn't use the restraint I so admire in myself.  They teetered on a line of acceptability and played a game.  I want to believe and have been reassured that the line was only danced on and not completely crossed.  There is nothing evidenced, but I can't help but I obsess over the unanswered truth..  I torture myself with the questions and my own speculative answers.  Nothing based in fact...nothing based in reality.


It makes me continually suspicious.  I rehash the past and speculate how it will happen again in the future.  

At worst....I drown in my own doubt and lash out in hopes of hurting others like the perceived hurt I'm experiencing.

At best.....I wait for the next betrayal and lash out in hope of hurting others like the perceived hurt I'm experiencing.

When I am able to quiet the voice and get in the present...it's the polar opposite.  

• Loving...
• craving...
• wanting...
• needing...
• sharing 
• digging another person so much it makes your heart sing.  

Rollercoasters are thrilling...exciting...and scary.

I guess I didn't realize how low the bounce back was gonna be for getting as high as love makes me.  

Jane....get me off this crazy thing.

Love Songs and Mosquitos

How come love songs, especially those that talk about making love in the desert (aka...Peaceful, Easy Feeling from the Eagles), never mention the little things like the mosquitos that bite your ass?

Driving to work today and heard that song...always ilicits memories of my early years in Arizona and one damn hot summer.  Good times...even with the bug bites.

Mr. B....you will always have a special place in my heart.  It was nice to visit you this morning.  Think I'll go buy some sparking earrings this weekend.

I like the way your sparkling earrings lay,

against your skin so brown

and I wanna sleep with you

in the desert tonight

with a billion stars all around

'Cause I gotta peaceful easy feeling

and I know you won't let me down

'cause I'm already standing on the

ground

And I found out a long time ago

what a woman can do to your soul

Ah, but she can't take you anyway

You don't already know how to go

I gotta peaceful, easy feeling

and I know you won't let me down

'cause I'm already standing on the ground

I get this feeling I may know you

as a lover and a friend

but this voice keeps whispering

in my other ear, tells me

I may never see you again

'Cause I get a peaceful, easy feeling

and I know you won't let me down

'cause I'm already standing on the ground

I'm already standing...

on the ground
oooo, oooo

Dogmatic Change

Ok...so I forgot to even publish this...but looking back on it I think it's a great message for myself...so better late than never....my thoughts from July 2010.

Note:  I ripped this out one day at work (couple weeks ago) and never got around to editing and then publishing it.  It's a bit late, but the message is the same.

The keyword is CHANGE!  And because of the planetary influences, specifically the Uranus/Saturn face off, the change coming about is focused on changing old ways. 


This of course can mean habits, etc, but what speaks to me is core values.  Those beliefs that you use to filter ideas, thoughts and comments to know what your opinion of them would be.  I always think of them as a colander and the holes are those thoughts that fit to your beliefs so you know what to let in to your life and what you should either deflect and leave out in the world for someone else. 


So listening to podcast this morning after looking over my planetary week.  I hear this little woman talking about the differences between Mediterranean and American women.  Thinking what the hell is this all about, I thought this was supposed to be about sex (that seems to be my obsession of choice right now.  I love these phases!), not culture.  Just as I was about to turn it off, the statement was made that Mediterranean folk reject the moral dogma which tie Americans in knots. 


Coincidence?  Hell NO!  My own dialogue lately has been about how dogmatic I tend to be.  It's as if I use it to be self-disciplined, but I think it's really getting in the way from me enjoying life and the interaction that occurs naturally between humans.  I've cut myself off from the human experience over the last few years and it's my dogmatic approach that influences my tendencies to be standoffish. 


I've often been envious of the care-free European folk and how they are not so bogged down in Puritanical roots.  The conflicting ideologies that make up the American culture influence me in ways that I was never really in touch with.  I just thought everyone around me was just low-brow and undisciplined.  This judgement even permeated my mind's view of Curtis and our family.  While I can recognize this, I don't like how it influences my feelings towards my family, my friends, my co-workers and fellow collaborators.  It's choking me off from the world where there is life.  Real life, not the organized be a good doobie and you'll get to heaven life, but the colorful, ugly, amazing, diverse, real experience that my dogmatic beliefs are based on. 


So I think I'm feeling the groove of this once in this lifetime planetary challenge.  It's telling me to LIVE.  Live out loud in the mess and the muck.  After all, in the end, clean shoes mean you stayed on the sidelines.

Now...go get in the game.

Melodrama Fun!!!

Addy Libs and Ira Fuse from A Cornfield of Dreams

Here Curtis

http://www.funtoxin.com/2010/07/23/21-awesome-and-funny-gifs/


AND.....


http://www.funtoxin.com/2010/07/23/21-awesome-and-funny-gifs-part-ii/


AND...

http://www.stopdroplol.com/

Dress Rehearsal

Math makes me tired

I so know how you feel Nomi...Jr. High Math exhausted me too!

Queen Bohemian Rhapsody Old School Computer Remix

Everything's better with Pirates

Thoughts of Nomi

My Best Friend for 13 years....ahh I do miss her.

Ahhh my little Nomi.  Thanks so much for finding me 13 years ago.  It was a fun run with you.  I'll miss you always.

Make these bitches stop...please!

Poor Meatball....school can't start soon enough.

Morning Light

A sleepy morning...notice Nomi racked out on the couch behind me. I wish I could get my body in those positions.

ROB THOMAS - HARD ON YOU LYRICS

I sure like this guy. Great songwriter. Seems to understand the man/woman dynamic pretty well.

He's got a great voice too and I love how he presents his music....his way.

ROB THOMAS - HARD ON YOU LYRICS

Chaos in love

Chaos in love
Originally uploaded by zeno108

What an amazing pic. LOVE IT!

Veddddy SNNNEAKY!

SHYANNE IS AWESOME!!!

Yep, the same week that Chynna graduated from high school, Shyanne promoted from the 8th Grade.

In the past I haven't really put much emphasis on that particular passage, but there was something different this time.  Perhaps it was because I have really grown close to the girls over the last couple of years and for Chynna and Sierra I hadn't yet invested myself.  

This Promotion Ceremony was different.  When the speakers spoke to the parents, I felt in on the conversation this time.  I felt like this was my accomplishment too.

So thanks to Jr. High - Middle School...what ever you must call it now.  I learned how to surf the web for help to pre-algebra and Shy made life long connections and friendships she will always remember and treasure.  I know that's how I feel about mine.  Middle School was magical and my wish for Shyanne is that she will always remember the person she is today because it's random, special, beautiful and 100% her.

Way to go Shy!

Class of 2014 Mash Up

Graduation Mash up

Graduation 2010 - How Sweet it is!

Congratulations Chynna!!!!

You are an old soul beyond even your comprehension right now. I admire your independent spirit and your ability to make your life turn the way you want it to. You are a strong ambassador for your generation and you have helped me understand and respect it.

I would wish success for you in the future, but I know that is your destiny and your chosen course, so instead I wish you continued courage, strength and the ability to easily identify those that have your best interest at heart.

May your heartaches be swift and necessary and your heartsong be loud, brash, and sweetly yours all your life long.

That's one proud papa!!

Wasted Tears

I'll  never waste my tears on you again.
I'll choke them down and hold them back.

I'll treat them like the insignificant feelings they are
The overreaction of slights felt when lovers are at war

The softest moment held in trust
An expectation of promises to come

The peace of mind that others are not present
Not a factor not to be mentioned

Instantly gone

the pain blinds, the hurt deep

the rage takes over - wakes from it's sleep

but I hold back.  Unsure of my feelings
I hold back, unsure of the facts.

Suddenly conflict confronted....so many lies
Integrity left in pieces

victimless tears denied while
entitled victim screams breaks the mornings silent spell
answers are questioned...untrusting of intent

Alone I cry for you begging for the answers to take the pain and quiet a racing mind full of unfounded scenarios.

Will I remain?
Of course...
The day I believed your promise, I let go of options...but
My tears will never be wasted on you again.

The Daily What

The Daily What


A great medley of past and present TV toons. Huge talent...or lots of time on his hands...you decide!

Super Punch: Steampunk house

Super Punch: Steampunk house

Sierra Poses

Sierra poses with Shy's promotion dress.

Tyra says POW!

Keepsakes play for the Historical Society

Tickets are going FAAAAST!  Contact the Historical Society for all the details!

Love Rocks

La unica cosa que me completa - The one thing that completes me....

Curtis said that to me tonight. <3

Bananas and Monkeys

As a member of my company's Policy Committee....I couldn't say it any better!

Bananas and Monkeys

Getting to Know The Crazy Guy that Lives Under The Overpass

This is like a train wreck....you just can't stop reading.

Getting to Know The Crazy Guy that Lives Under The Overpass

The 8 world’s most prominent hyper-realist sculptors - FrancescoMugnai.com - Graphic Design Inspiration and Web Design Trends

These are amazing. My favorite is the guy duct taped to the wall however.

The 8 world’s most prominent hyper-realist sculptors - FrancescoMugnai.com - Graphic Design Inspiration and Web Design Trends

Why I'm Crazy

We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them.
We say we love trees, yet we cut them down.
And some people still wonder why some are afraid
when they are told they are loved....Unknown.


Life's such a dichotomy.

Re: Bruce Lee playing ping pong (full version)????

Wow....He must see things at a different speed than the rest of us.

Call and Answer

This song has always spoke to me on a level that's not completely on the conscious level.  Something about the sadness and the drawing the line in the sand, yet a desire to trust and love again.  Well done.  Part of me wishes he wouldn't have taken her back because she just didn't deserve him on some level.  So bizarre how we attach our feeling to characters in situations.  I feel for the guy.




Lyrics

Barenaked Ladies lyrics - Call And Answer lyrics
LyricsMode.com

Wasted guy at Coachella 2010 - FRIDAY

never quit

Alison Brady: photography and surrealism

Wow...talk about pictures that speak to you. Whether it's good or bad, these images will make you feel something.

Check em out....

Alison Brady: photography and surrealism

Alison Brady: photography and surrealism

Wow...talk about pictures that speak to you. Whether it's good or bad, these images will make you feel something.

Check em out....

Alison Brady: photography and surrealism

The Song that gave me humanity back

Lyrics

 Easter dinner...it was late...I was tired...zzzzzzzzzzzz

Kaki King rocks out to "Pink Noise" | Video on TED.com

Kaki King rocks out to "Pink Noise" Video on TED.com

These Warriors Use Stealth and War Skills to Write Computer Code - WSJ.com

These Warriors Use Stealth and War Skills to Write Computer Code - WSJ.com

We have evil genuises at work. Some days I walk amoung them.

Thanks to this article, I now know that one of my evil genuises is actually an code ninja. Thanks for the head up Wall St. Journal...Now I can be totally PC!

Computer Science Loses to Math in New Hiring Formula - WSJ.com

Computer Science Loses to Math in New Hiring Formula - WSJ.com

Shy and CATS

Shy, Tessa and Savannah with the cast of CATS.  They loved the show.  Good times!

Romp

Taken a couple weeks ago during a romp cycle with Curtis...mmmmm...goood times. Such pervs  :-)

PIF

Looks like an awesome line up this year for the Phoenix Improv Festival.

Be sure to check out Casa Grande's troupe, EXiT185.  They open Saturday's sessions at 4:30.

http://phoeniximprovfestival.com/index.php?option=com_frontpage&Itemid=1

BIG FUN!

Well OK!

Hi Cheryl! Here is your Daily Chinese Horoscope for Tuesday, March 30




Seek out new venues of self expression. Now is an excellent time to start a hobby or class. Indulge yourself and try something new. Who knows what kinds of people you will meet, or what creativity may be unlocked. Don't let self doubt or insecurities hold yourself back; now's the time to go for it!

Nerds vs. Geeks vs. Dork - Explained

Finally...all the answers I've been seeking!

http://www.greatwhitesnark.com/2010/03/25/difference-between-nerd-dork-and-geek-explained-in-a-venn-diagram/

http://catandgirl.com/?p=1341

Cool Information

I'm a beginner and found some of this helpful.

Tizag.com Webmaster Tutorials - A collection of webmaster tutorials from HTML to PHP.

Playing with Fire: Do’s and Don’ts When the Sun is in Aries from Cosmic Reporter's Tarot Blog

Finally figured out how those "Share" buttons can actually finally organize my daily rambling thoughts that I continually think I need to remember all day to share later with Curtis or my Mom or some other unfortunate soul... :-)
This serves me so well....I chastice myself for not keeping a journal...find times when I wish I would have documented more...given myself an outlet...be cool like the kids and get online with the rest of the world. Well here it is. My first real official sharing.
Playing with Fire: Do’s and Don’ts When the Sun is in Aries from Cosmic Reporter's Tarot Blog